Stankin Ass
“You don’t understand, I ain’t scared of you motherfuckers.”
Dancing and laughing are the best medicines. Since I am currently unable to dance I try to drown myself in laughter. The quickest way for me to do this is with the help of a legend: Bernie Mac. The man always wore a prime suit.
I assume one of the reasons why he makes me laugh is that every reference he pulls out was part of that era of where my consciousness was most absorbent. He talks about sex, church, and family. Plus I’m watching a lot of his prime stuff and he was 43 which is what I’m about right now. He’s going on about parents trying to be friends with their kids and shit. He tells it like it is, calling little kids terrorists.
I used to be the collection guy at St Anthony of Padua church in Passaic, New Jersey. I was exactly the type of person to annoy the hell out of a somebody like Bernie Mac. Seeing him drop some dimes I gots to give the basket a good shake. Cheap ass, stank ass.
Now I tell it like it is. Some of Bernie Mac’s bits would be considered offensive today. I’ve seen probably 6 hours of his standup, and I always took his jokes to be impersonal and observational jokes. Not jokes like I’ve heard some other comedians who just seem angry, whether they are or not I’m not sure. I’m not talking George Carlin angry either, bless his rotting corpse. Like bitter angry, but that wasn’t Bernie Mac. I have yet to encounter a comedian that makes me laugh the way Mac does. If you watch Mac he can barely hold in the laughter himself. That one show he did with the lesbian up front heckling and getting in on the action, that was priceless. Then when he finds out his friend dropped dead. “I been having this pain in my back for a God damn while. Now I go to the hospital, fuck that. I was fucking last week, and I had sharp pain in my god damn left nut. Wipe your ass and come on take me to the hospital.”
Every year during my birthday I rewatch Friday. It’s one of my favorite movies because of all the iconic scenes, but man I just can’t wait until the Reverend pulls up. And the way Mac screams as he’s being chased down by a midget is priceless. Then you got Don’t Be a Menace and when he appears as the cop. Now Boyz in Da Hood is also one of my favs, but the spoof of the cop is just nuts. The first time I heard Mac say the back of Forest Whittakers neck I almost choked. There’s also him as the judge in Booty Call, but Booty Call is Booty Call.
He tells it like it is. You know, he’s been black a long time. Listening to Bernie is like hanging back on the block on a good day. He died too early. And let me tell you something, if there’s one man that can fix America it is Mitch Gilliam.
Favorite Bernie Mac bits:
- Take me to the hospital
- He was teasing me
- Suck a dick like a man
- You don’t understand, I ain’t scared of you motherfuckers
- Little kids screaming when hurt
By the way, I’ll be lying on the floor watching Mac and Jenny has no idea what he’s saying. I be having to translate. There was no real point to this blog post except to say you should go laugh about something because it’s good for you.